Monday, August 15, 2011
Monsters in my closet
As a kid, do you remember having monsters in your closet? Under the bed? I remember running and jumping in my bed because I was afraid the monster under my bed would grab my feet and pull me under where monsters live. As kids, we all had monsters. The scary, creepy, I'm gonna eat you kind of monsters. But you grow up and the monsters go away, right? Right?
Uh yeah.....the monsters of my childhood are gone, but I've come to realize I have new monsters to deal with, and sometimes these grown up monsters are worse than my childhood ones. It's the monsters of insecurity, jealousy, the monster of not feeling like you're enough. I've struggled with these monsters most of my teen years and some of my adult life. I thought I was finally past all that, but sometimes the monsters sneak out from under my bed and take hold of me again. I feel I'm not a good wife, mother, or friend, and why would anyone love me. I'm horrible! Ugly! Lacking! The green-eyed monster comes back in full force and I turn into a person I don't like, a person I hate! These monsters are so hard to get rid of! When I think I have them beat, here they are again.
I'm fighting these monsters now. Fighting with all that I have in me, to make them disappear once and for all. I am going to beat these monsters!