Saturday, October 20, 2007


I can’t believe you are 18! I have an 18yr old son. I look in the mirror and I don’t see a woman with an 18yr old, but I am. It seems just like yesterday you were a baby. I can remember when I first felt you moving around in my stomach. I was amazed. I wasn’t ready for a baby, I was still in high school and I even thought about giving you up for adoption, but once I felt you move, I knew I could never do that. You were mine and I was going to keep you. You were such a beautiful baby. For the first few months of your life, you slept on my chest. You were so little and I didn’t want to put you in the crib. You would lie on my chest and I would just watch you sleep. Now you are taller than me, your voice is deep and at times I feel like I don’t know you. I made the decision when you were about 11, and Manuel about 10 to let you boys live with your Dad. I thought being boys you needed your dad. How I wish I could take that back. I lost so many years and so much precious time with you and Manuel. Manuel of course moved back with me, but you decided to stay with your dad, because of your music and the contacts you made in Abilene. Samuel, I realize music is your life and your dream is to one day make it big. I would never knock your dreams, but I just wish you had finished school. I made the same mistake, and dropped out of high school and I wanted to spare you that. It’s tough going back to school when you are older. It was hard for me going to college when you two were little and I didn’t even finish then. You were always a great student and I feel I let you down for not being there when you made that choice. It’s still not too late to get back in school. You may make it big with your beats and rapping, but there are millions of other kids out there tying to be the next star too. It’s very competitive and you will need something else to fall back on if that dream takes a while to come true. I pray every night for you. There are nights I lie awake, wondering what you are doing, and if you are OK. It’s so hard being so far from you. I know I haven’t been the best mom, but Samuel I love you with all my heart and miss you so much. You were my first born, my first baby, and now a grown man…..

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


You are 17 today. Not yet a man, and no longer a kid. You are at that stage where you want to branch out, be more independent, but it can be so hard. As a mom, I want to protect you from all the bad in this world. There are so many mistakes I made when you and your brother were little. I was still a kid myself and didn’t realize how much I was missing when you were little. I wanted you to grow up so fast and now that it is happening, I wish I could turn back the hands of time, do things differently. I wouldn’t rush you to grow up and I would cherish the times when you were little. You were such a chubby, happy baby. You loved to play in dirt, wanted to be a soldier and loved guns...unfortunately you still love guns. I'm hoping you will just be a hunter like your Uncle Jay. You and Samuel were always together and always getting into trouble. But I guess that's what boys do. You have always called Samuel “butta” I guess because we always referred to him as your brother...."go play with your brother", "go get your brother", etc and since you couldn’t pronounce it, you called him “butta” and have called him that every since. I think I have heard you call Samuel by his name only once, and now Ezekiel and Elijah also call him “butta” I remember when you two first started preschool, the teachers separated you to go to your classrooms. You cried and cried and kept calling for “butta”. Your teachers couldn't figure out what the heck you wanted. They thought you were asking for butter, or maybe a bottle. They tried everything, but could not figure out what you wanted. So, they decided to go and get Samuel to see if he knew what you wanted. When Samuel got to the room, you ran to him and hugged him and kept saying “butta”. Samuel told them that you wanted him. He was “butta” When I picked you both up from school the teachers told me that story. I thought it was so cute. I never thought you would still be calling him “butta” at 17.

Manuel, I know it hasn’t been easy for you. School has always been a struggle, and sometimes you feel you're a failure, but you’re not. You’re just going to have to work harder than most. You’ve made mistakes along the way, but we all have, and I pray you learn from them. But no matter what mistakes you’ve made, I love you and always will. You will be embarking on a new journey soon. I know you are nervous, but I truly believe it’s for the best. You are a sweet kid, (I guess I shouldn’t say kid, you’re a young man now) and everybody loves you. You’re playful and easy to get along. Just keep your head straight, do your best, stay out of trouble and all the things you want in life will be yours.

I love you and pray for you always.


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Belly Dancing

I signed up for a belly dancing class! I've been wanting to learn to belly dance for a while, but could never work it into our schedule. The boys always had some sort of sport going on and Fonzy had classes. Well, now we have Monday nights free and I found a beginners class that is on Monday nights. Coincidence? I think not. It was meant for me to belly dance. The classes start October 29, so I will tell you all about it then. Hopefully I won't have to come back and tell you some embarrassing story, like I fell flat on my face while trying to shake my hips.

Before class starts, I want to find one of those scarves with the coins on them. You can't belly dance without the scarf around your waist. I want the full effect. I won't be able to dance a lick, but I can at least be cute. Oh, and I need to decide on a name....kinda like a stage name. No, not Candy, or anything stripperish. Like a middle easterner name. I guess the dancers go by the new name they pick. Hmm, a chance to be someone totally alter ego.

Here is a link to check out me pick one!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Wax me, burn me, dine me, peel me

***This post contains graphic pictures and are NOT CUTE!***

Before I show you the pictures though....let me tell you all about the title of this post. Fonzy and I had a date night scheduled this past Saturday. We try to get a night out whenever we can without the boys and Saturday was the night. In preparing for our date, I got me a new outfit and was going to get my face waxed so I would be all cute. Now, I mentioned in this post, that I'm taking Accutane for my face. The dermatologist gave me this long list of side effects and what I can and cannot do....waxing was not one of the things she mentioned. Now I did notice something about waxing on the information that comes with the pills, but I didn't really pay attention to it...who really reads all that anyways. So off I went to get waxed. Now, I don't just get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed, I get my whole face waxed. I'm Puerto Rican and we tend to be hairy. I've been doing this for about a year or so with no problems and I didn't expect any this time. I go back into the little room(torture chamber), lay down and prepare my mind for the pain I am about to endure. The girl puts the hot wax on my eyebrows, smooths the strip of cloth on the hot wax and RIPS it off. It hurt like heck! I really wanted to put the other word, but people who know me in real life, know I do not cuss, but man, I wanted to! It hurt worse than it normally does. OK, so on to my other eyebrow, same thing, hurts like heck. Next is my upper wax on, cloth smoothed over hot wax, RIP! I swear this was hurting worse than it ever has. The girl says she's sorry, and she would be right back. She leaves the room and I'm am lying there, like what the heck? She comes back and asks if I have sensitive skin? I should of taken this as a sign. I ask her why? I'm thinking my face is bleeding or something. She says I am really red. Oh...OK, I am normally red, and tell her so, so she continues with the torture on my face.

Hot wax, smooth cloth, RIP!

Hot wax, smooth cloth, RIP!

Hot wax, smooth cloth, RIP!

Hot wax, smooth cloth, RIP!

You get the picture. I was in agony! It was hurting worse than it ever has, but I continued on. I had to be cute for our date, and by gosh I would suffer through this and be cute. After I got my face ripped off, I'm was looking forward to the nice, cooling lotion that will be applied to my face. I hear the tech getting the lotion, and as she applies a small amount to my cheek, I start to holler! Oh my felt like someone had poured acid on my raw skin! the girl quickly wipes it off and keeps saying she is sorry, but my face is REALLY red. So I look in the mirror, expecting to see the normal redness and it looked like someone has tried to skin me alive, just like Daddy use to threaten to do to me. (Now I know what it would of felt like) I got a paper towel, soaked it in cold water, pressed it to my face bandana style, like I was going to rob a bank and went to the front to pay. The ladies in the spa were looking at me all crazy, but I didn't care. I drove home with the AC full blast on my face. When I walked through the door, Fonzy was standing there and I told him I didn't think I was suppose to get my face waxed. I peeled off the paper towel and the look on Fonzy's face said it all. I went to the bathroom and wanted to cry. It really looked like someone had ripped my skin off and it hurt so bad. My main concern was scaring. I have enough acne scars, I do not need to add burn scars to it. Fonzy went and got me some aloe vera gel and vitamin E oil. I seriously thought about staying home, but Fonzy and I were going to Brasa, a Brazilian steak house and I was looking forward to it. So I slathered the oil on my face, put on some make-up, actually LOTS of make-up and out we went. Have you ever been to a Brazilian steak house? Well, they have a hot and cold bar with salads, sushi and sides. You have little coasters on your table, one side is green, the other red. When you have the green side showing, waiters bring over fire-roasted meats, and fruits to your table. When the red side is up, they will not come to your table. They had lamb, steak, chicken, shrimp, pork, pineapple, amongst other things. The garlic steak was off the hook! Everything was pretty good, except the chicken hearts. Well, I don't know if they were good or not, but we were not going to find out. Fonzy and I really had a good time, and I don't think anyone noticed my burnt up face.

OK, now for the pictures...they do not show how bad my face really was, but where ever you see red, that is where I was burnt.

Wonder what this is a picture of....Uh, that would be my skin that peeled off of my face. Nasty huh? know how I said I read something about waxing in the pamphlet that came with the pills? Well, it said...Do not wax your face during or for six months AFTER taking the medication. SIX MONTHS! I will be on accutane for 6 months, and then I have to wait 6 more months before I can get waxed! Did I mention I am Puerto Rican and hairy! And they want me to wait a year to get my face waxed?! Are they crazy! This is what I am going to look like in a year......

Friday, October 5, 2007

Betty Boop Loot

Look at the all the Betty Boop Loot I got yesterday. Yes, I am a Betty Boop fanatic! Can't you tell by my blog design? Elodia, (MIL) sent me a package with all this Betty Boop stuff. She is so good to me. I couldn't of asked for a better mother-in-law. She keeps me supplied in Betty Boop stuff and of course had Fonzy, can't forget that!

Betty Boop salt-n-pepper shakers....these will not be used for that purpose. They are too cute!
Betty Boop bandana

Betty Boop mug...this is my new favorite coffee mug.

Betty Boop Witch....Fonzy said this most definitely fits me. He swears I'm a witch ;)
And Fonzy came home with this......a CD case. I wrecked shop yesterday with Betty, huh? Anyone else want to add to my collection?

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Waiting in Heaven

The other day, Karen was over for dinner, and while we were sitting at the table talking, she asked me if I ever thought about Mommy in Heaven and if she was waiting for Daddy when he got there, and if Tremayne was there with her too. I was kind of surprised when she asked, because Karen never really talked about Mommy that much. She was only 8 when she died, so I’m sure she does not remember too much about her. She was a Daddy’s girl through and through and with Daddy dying in June, I think that got her thinking. I told her I had thought about it plenty of times. Whenever I see big, white fluffy clouds, with the sun streaming thru them, I often wish I could see Mommy in them, smiling down at me.

I know she is with our Lord and not suffering anymore, but that doesn't stop us from missing her.

I hope once she arrived in Heaven she was able to see the son she was forced to give up for adoption when she was only 13. She could finally stop worrying about him.

I hope she was able to see her Grandkids. They would of loved her. She would of made an awesome Grandma.

I wonder when Ma (my grandma) died, was she excited to see her mom again. I know Ma looked forward to the day she would be reunited with her daughter. No one should have to see their child suffer and die.

When Tremayne died of the same dreaded disease that took her life, I wonder if she was there to greet her son-in-law. Did she go over to him and introduce herself, saying she was his mother-in-law and welcome him to paradise.

I wonder when Daddy died, did she run into his arms, happy to be reunited with the man she loved. I know we no longer have our earthly bodies, but I’m sure their spirits knew each other.

I know one day I will be in Heaven, that is what God has promised me, and when I do, I can’t wait to run into mommy’s arms again and spend eternity with all the loved ones we’ve lost.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The Good Life

Driving into work this morning, I felt such contentment with my life. God has blessed me with such a good life. I may not have a lot of money, wear designer clothes, a house on the hill, or drive a Lexus, but I have so much more.

I have 4 healthy, handsome sons. There are so many parents whose kids are sick, suffering with life threatening diseases or are no longer on this earth. These parents long to take their child’s pain away, or just hold their child again….to tell them that they love them just one more time.

I have a husband who loves me. He may not SAY it everyday, but he SHOWS me in all that he does. I know women who are living in abusive homes, being beat everyday, or are made to feel worthless who would give anything to have what I have.

Even though America has its issues there is no other place I’d rather be. We have so many freedoms that we take for granted. I think about the people in Iraq. Just imagine wondering if you are going to live to see another day. Imagine the moms, trying desperately to keep their children safe with bombs and shooting going on around them. It’s part of their everyday lives. Can you imagine? Think about the young girls and women in the Sudan and the Congo who are being brutally raped, sodomized and beaten. I can’t even imagine suffering like that.

I wake up every morning to coffee in my favorite mug. I’m able to have a hot shower and closet full of clothes to choose from. I have a job that I don’t mind going to and actually like. I get to have dinner with my family around the table most evenings. My boys are able to go to school and get an education. I get to sleep in a soft, warm bed every night with my husband by my side, while my kids are safe and sound in their rooms. Who could ask for anything more?

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

31 years ago today, God blessed the earth with your presence. I wonder if God looked down on you that day, saw the man you would become and smiled.

There are so many things I love about you and since you are 31 today….I will list 31 things I love about you...

  1. I love that you are a God-fearing man and strive to live your life for Christ, and for being the example I needed to come to Christ also.
  2. I love your full sexy lips.
  3. I love how protective you are of us.
  4. I love your sense of style and that I don’t have to worry about buying or picking out the boys clothes. There is no telling what they would look like if I had to dress them.
  5. I love when you talk dirty to me.

  6. I love how you treat Samuel and Manuel as if they were your own. And teaching them what it is to be a man.
  7. I love when you serenade me on our road trips. You swear you can sing better than Brian McKnight, Luther, Tank, and Keith and just for today, I will agree.
  8. I love that you are man enough to show your sensitivity. You can watch “The Notebook” with me and shed a few tears when the couple dies in each other’s arms. I hope we are as lucky.
  9. I love when you call me Sitelia.
  10. I love to see you in a suit Sunday morning, standing in front of the congregation with communion. You look so good.

  11. I love the way you hold me at night. I know sometimes I can be grouchy, but I long for your touch when it's not there.
  12. I love that you will rub my aching feet at night. I know I should stop wearing heels, but they look so good.
  13. I love the stories you tell the boys, like when you fought and killed that big black bear and got those “scratches” on your shoulders. Such a great story teller.
  14. I love that you will clean the bathroom. You do it so much better than I, and plus I hate to do it.
  15. I love to see you on your knees in prayer.

  16. I love how you hold me at night if I have nightmares and make them all go away.
  17. I love how you will eat whatever I cook, even though I wish you would sometimes tell me what you want, so I can stop trying to figure out what to cook each day.
  18. I love when you brush my hair.
  19. I love how you take pride in your looks. You take longer than me to get ready, but it’s worth it.
  20. I love how you want to be a teacher and are working towards that goal. The kids today, especially young, black, males, need a strong role model. Someone who has been where they are and who cares and will take the time to listen and instruct them. You are going to be an awesome teacher, and one day an awesome Principal.
  21. I love how you always provide for our family. If you need to work 2-3 jobs to ensure we have all we want and need, you will do that.
  22. I love the gray that’s starting to come in your hair. I don’t care what you say, it’s sexy.
  23. I love the relationship you have with your mom.
  24. I love how you expect nothing but the best from all of us and yourself. It makes us strive to be better.
  25. I love that you love me, no matter my faults, and God knows I have many.
  26. I love that you are adventurous and willing to try new things.
  27. I love BDV.
  28. I love how you make me see things in a different perspective than I normally would.
  29. I love that our family is your top priority.
  30. I love your playful spirit
  31. I love your strength.

Simply put....I love you Fonzy, I am honored to be your wife and I hope to spend many more blessed years with you.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!