I can’t believe you are 18! I have an 18yr old son. I look in the mirror and I don’t see a woman with an 18yr old, but I am. It seems just like yesterday you were a baby. I can remember when I first felt you moving around in my stomach. I was amazed. I wasn’t ready for a baby, I was still in high school and I even thought about giving you up for adoption, but once I felt you move, I knew I
could never do that. You were mine and I was going to keep you. You were such a beautiful baby. For the first few months of your life, you slept on my chest. You were so little and I didn’t want to put you in the crib. You would lie on my chest and I would just watch you sleep. Now you are taller than me, your voice is deep and at times I feel like I don’t know you. I made the decision when you were about 11, and Manuel about 10 to let you boys live with your Dad. I thought being boys you needed your dad. How I
wish I could take that back. I lost so many years and so much precious time with you and Manuel. Manuel of course moved back with me, but you decided to stay with your dad, because of your music and the contacts you made in Abilene. Samuel, I realize music is your life and your dream is to one day make it big. I would never knock your dreams, but I just wish you had finished school. I made the same mistake, and dropped out of high school and I wanted to spare you that. It’s tough going back to school when you are older. It was hard for me going to college when you two
were little and I didn’t even finish then. You were always a great student and I feel I let you down for not being there when you made that choice. It’s still not too late to get back in school. You may make it big with your beats and rapping, but there are millions of other kids out there tying to be the next star too. It’s very competitive and you will need something else to fall back on if that dream takes a while to come true. I pray every night for you. There are nights I lie awake, wondering what you are doing, and if you are OK. It’s so hard being so far from you. I know I haven’t been the best mom, but Samuel I love you with all my heart and miss you so much. You were my first born, my first baby, and now a grown man…..
could never do that. You were mine and I was going to keep you. You were such a beautiful baby. For the first few months of your life, you slept on my chest. You were so little and I didn’t want to put you in the crib. You would lie on my chest and I would just watch you sleep. Now you are taller than me, your voice is deep and at times I feel like I don’t know you. I made the decision when you were about 11, and Manuel about 10 to let you boys live with your Dad. I thought being boys you needed your dad. How I 
wish I could take that back. I lost so many years and so much precious time with you and Manuel. Manuel of course moved back with me, but you decided to stay with your dad, because of your music and the contacts you made in Abilene. Samuel, I realize music is your life and your dream is to one day make it big. I would never knock your dreams, but I just wish you had finished school. I made the same mistake, and dropped out of high school and I wanted to spare you that. It’s tough going back to school when you are older. It was hard for me going to college when you two were little and I didn’t even finish then. You were always a great student and I feel I let you down for not being there when you made that choice. It’s still not too late to get back in school. You may make it big with your beats and rapping, but there are millions of other kids out there tying to be the next star too. It’s very competitive and you will need something else to fall back on if that dream takes a while to come true. I pray every night for you. There are nights I lie awake, wondering what you are doing, and if you are OK. It’s so hard being so far from you. I know I haven’t been the best mom, but Samuel I love you with all my heart and miss you so much. You were my first born, my first baby, and now a grown man…..
No comments:
Post a Comment