Friday, February 26, 2010



I've been thinking about death a lot lately. How am I going to die? When? Will I die before Fonzy? I don't think I can make it in this life alone. Will I be old, young? Will it be violent? Will I get sick or just die in my sleep?

I don't know why I've been obsessed with dying. I guess a lot of it has to do with Samuel. I wonder what Heaven is like and will he be waiting for me? Does he hear my thoughts? Does he know how much I miss him. Did he know he was going to die?

We are on this earth for such a short time. An instant.

Will anyone lay awake at night, and shed tears for me? Will I be missed?

Would I have made a difference?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Baby next week!

Manuel and Andrea
Manuel just called me - they are inducing Andrea Monday night! Manuel was tripping that he was going to be a Daddy. I'm tripping that I'm going to be a Grandma! I wish I could be there! I want so bad to take pictures of this moment.

They better take tons of pictures since I can't be there.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Manuel and the Snowman

Abilene, TX had more snow today. The ten years I lived in Abilene, I don't think we ever got snow. This is like the 3rd or 4th time this winter they've gotten it.

Manual text me this picture of him and a snowman he made. Even though he is going to be a Daddy in a few weeks, he is still a big kid. I can't wait to see how he is going to be as a Dad. I still can't believe I'm going to be a Grandma! A Grandma!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sunday Scenes

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The Pit BBQ

After church today, we headed downtown to enjoy the great weather we're having. It has been so cold lately and today was almost 65!

The main reason I wanted to go out, was to take pictures. The only way I'm going to get better and learn my camera is to get out and shoot.

isaida 111 At The Pit

isaida 113 Fonzy and the boys with a statue of Ghandi. Fonzy and Ghandi share the same birthday.

isaida 117 Ezekiel

isaida 116 Elijah

isaida 125 The boys and I

isaida 134 While strolling around downtown you can't help but notice the many homeless. I didn't realize there were so many homeless here in Raleigh. It was warm today, but I thought back on the freezing weather we had in February and wondered how they made it. It really makes you appreciate all you have. We always want more, more, more and really we have so much already. My heart just broke seeing them all.

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Loved the look of this restaurant - potential date night spot

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We had a great afternoon, being out and about. We really need to do this more often.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Grief Counseling/Memories

Ezekiel has been going through some things lately. He's normally an easy-going kid and doesn't get into trouble, but lately he's been having some issues. I don’t know if it’s pre-teen stuff or as the school counselor thinks, his grief with the death of Samuel. He really hasn’t talked a lot about Samuel. I guess we all haven’t talked too much about it. I mean, we talk about Samuel, share memories, but not really talk about his murder, or our feelings about it. I have not gone to any counseling and honestly would prefer not to right now, but the school counselor suggested Ezekiel go to grief counseling, so we went. Last night was our first night in group counseling. Ezekiel was with other kids his age. The majority of the kids had lost a parent, mostly Dads due to illness. He was the only one who had lost a sibling and to murder. The first thing we did as a group was write our favorite memory of our loved one on a butterfly. Ezekiel wrote the time he went fishing with Samuel. The butterflies were added to a mural the group is making. It was hard to see the kids add the butterflies with their memories. Some of them broke down crying. Grief is the same, no matter how the person was lost, sickness, suicide, murder – the outcome is still the same. That person is no longer here. After all the butterflies were added, we broke off into our individual groups. The kids went into groups by their age and all the adults were together. The session yesterday was a getting to know each other session. Anyone who wanted could share their story. The stories were heartbreaking and many tears were shed. I shared my/Samuel’s story. I have to admit, I did not want to be there. I’ve had people tell me that counseling will help, but I left there so depressed. When I got home I went straight to bed. I guess I have avoidance issues. I’m not really avoiding Samuel’s death, there’s no way I can avoid it, but I try not to dwell too much on it. I don’t know if I’m explaining this right. I think about Samuel every day, all day long, but I try to remember the good times. I guess to everyone, I am doing great. That is the picture I portray, the mask I wear. But I must admit its killing me inside. There have been times where I felt I couldn’t breathe, the pain was so much. And maybe going to counseling will help, who knows. Ezekiel feels it’s helping him, so I will continue to go, and maybe, just maybe it will help me too.

Ezekiel's favorite memory below....






Sunday, February 14, 2010

Look who's 8!

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Happy Birthday Elijah!

You are the best Valentine your Daddy and I could of ever asked for!

Friday, February 12, 2010


Wendell Wolves 2009 - 2010 Conference Champs!

Yep, they did it and it was an exciting game! The gym was packed with students, the band was playing Earth, Wind & Fire tunes and Wendell was facing a team that had served them two of their three losses for the conference championship. The home court had never provided a better atmosphere. The excitement was palpable.

Wendell Championship 046 Coach Veale and Coach Smith anxiously awaiting the start of the game.

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The team reciting their creed before the game.

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Last words from Coach before the start of the game.

Wendell Championship 106 Down The Wolves played hard. They were down by halftime, but came back with a thunder!

Wendell Championship 120 Division Champs and the fans storm the floor!

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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Go Wolves!

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Tonight's the night! The Wendell Wolves are going for the championship. Fonzy and the team have worked hard for this all season, so let's hope they win it tonight!


Sunday, February 7, 2010

Date Night

Friday was cold and rainy...not the best night for a date, but Fonzy and I went out anyway. We checked out The Pit in Raleigh. A BBQ restaurant that was on Throwdown with Bobby Flay on The Food Network.

We got there about 8pm, after Fonzy's basketball practice. It was packed and we had about an hour wait, but I took that as a good sign.

Date Night

Date night

Date Night I had brisket, greens and potato salad. The meat was so tender. Fonzy had ribs and it was falling off the bone.

Date Night
After dinner, we shared dessert, pumpkin bread with homemade ice cream....very tasty. By the time we finished dessert, we were both tired and ready for bed and so ended our date night.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


I've been rushing home everyday, checking the front door for a package - my first unit of study for the photography course I'm taking. It finally arrived!

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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Snowday scenes

So we got snow Friday evening and Fonzy and the boys have been homebound ever since. I, on the other hand went to work today. I guess that's one of the perks of being a teacher....snowdays. Here are a few more scenes from our house during the snowdays.

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The snow Friday night

snowday Ezekiel looking at me through the window

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Elijah getting ready for a bath after playing out in the snow - I guess he thought he was going swimming in the tub.

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Fonzy and the boys playing basketball

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Trading football cards

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All the laundry I had to do - it's still not all done.

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My drive into work this morning. Not too many people on the road. I should of stayed home too!