Driving into work this morning, I was listening to my Christmas CD and all of sudden started to cry. I don’t know what came over me. I was thinking about Samuel, and how I wish I could go back to when he was little. There are so many things I would have done differently. But then I start to think about Ezekiel, Elijah and Manuel, and the memories we’re making now. What kind of memories am I making for them? Will Ezekiel and Elijah look back on their childhood with fondness? Or will they remember all the times I hollered, or didn’t play with them. I don’t want that to be the memories they have. I try to make sure I do things with them, but I must admit, I don't do it enough.
Manuel is about to be a Dad, and I feel our relationship is changing….for the better I think. He’s going to have to grow up quickly now that he's going to be a Dad. I think he will now realize why we were so hard on him. Your perspectives change once you have a baby. You want to protect your kids from any pain and suffering, but sometimes you can’t. I’ve learned that first hand.
Life is too short, so I have to remind myself to do a little less hollering, play more, and not push them off to do other things. Because I don’t want to be saying in a few years from now when they are in high school that I should have cherished the times when they were little and still wanted to be with and hug Mommy.