I just got the call, and the bond reduction was denied….Thank you Lord. I wish I could have been there, but Sam (Samuel's dad), Manuel, Andrea, and my brother Junior were there to represent Samuel. To show them that Samuel was loved and missed. I was there in spirit. I asked Sam and Junior about the murderer, how he acted, if he made eye contact with them. He said when he first walked in; he glanced at them, but then put his head down. While he was on the stand, he wouldn't even look their way. Junior stated at one point he was so close they could have reached out and choked him. I'm sure the impulse was there. I wonder how I would have reacted had I been there. When he walked into the courtroom, would I have been able to control myself? I would like to think I would, but I just don't know. My heart was racing just hearing about him. I guess I just want him to feel remorse, to feel my pain, to take his punishment like a man. But obviously he is not a man or he would not have killed Samuel. I've often thought about his Mom, and how she feels about this situation, but according to Junior, his mom may be dead. They made mention of it in court. If alive, would she have defended her son? Would I if the tables were turned?
I wonder if he ever thinks about Samuel, the life he took. I've thought about sending him a letter, telling him of the pain he's caused all of us, sending pictures of Samuel, making Samuel real to him, but not sure if that is the right thing to do. Would it make a difference? Would he be sorry for what he did, or would he toss my words, my pain, and pictures of Samuel in the trash? What if he wrote back, asking for my forgiveness? Would I be able to give it? I don't know. I don't know much of anything right now.
taken on a first day of school. I think Manuel was in 2nd grade and Samuel in 3rd. - I was so young!