....who sometimes I just want to shake, she frustrates me so! I've had this friend for about 10yrs. We met at work. When I met this friend, she seemed to have it all together. I was even kind of jealous. She was in college, had a great job, had the cutest clothes, had money to spend on whatever she wanted etc. She had her own place, which her Dad paid for, including all her utilities. He was paying for everything while she was in school. Well, she started seeing this guy. He moved in with her and it all went down hill from there. Her dad quit paying her rent and bills, because she had this guy living there. This guy turned out to be a loser. He couldn't keep a job, was always drinking and eventually started to abuse her. At first I think it was verbal abuse. He would tell her she was no good, was not all that, she was stupid, etc. She became isolated from her Dad, and also her Mom. Anyone who has dealt with domestic abuse knows how the story goes. It starts with the verbal and goes to physical. I know that he has hit her, but she stayed. Now, I am not one to judge. I try to support my girl anyway I can. They have been together for almost 10yrs now and have 3 kids, ages 6, 4, and 1. My friend has made some bad decisions, gotten into trouble with the law, I think even dabbled in drugs. She has had several jobs, but has been unable to keep them. Every time we talk, there is drama going on. Well, last year, her man was put in jail...not really sure for what, but he is due out in Feb. While he has been in jail, his family has been keeping tabs on her and reporting back to him. He has sent her several letters calling her all kinds of things, a whore, bad mother, etc. He claims once he gets out, they are done! I'm saying YAY! Pack your stuff and move now! But then he turns around and says he loves her and wants to make it work. With all the crap his family has told him, I believe he would kill her when he gets out. I even went as far as to call the domestic abuse center in her city to see if they could help her. The gave me all sorts of info for her, to help her leave and start a new life. Did she do anything with it...NO. She gets involved in another mess!!!!!
While her man has been in jail, she was working for a temp agency, and met this guy on a job she went to. At least I think that is how she met him....really doesn't matter how she met him. He is from out of state, and they started seeing each other. He would help her out with bills, etc. Well, during the holidays, she decided to go with him to his home, in another state, about 1,000 miles away! She told her man, his family and her mom she was going to visit her aunt in another state. So I get a call from her, from this other state. I could not believe she went. She hardly knows this man, and she took her kids. What really frustrates me, he is just as bad as her man, with being controlling and possessive. Not good signs. And she went to another state and took her kids! Now to top it all off, she is stuck there!!!! He has no car to get her back home and he lives with his momma!!! So how in the heck was he going back and forth before for a job, but all of sudden can't get her back home! The 6 yrs old is going on missing 2wks of school! Her water has been cut off and the assistance she was getting for childcare has been cancelled, but I guess that doesn't matter, because it will be a miracle if she still has a job! And hopefully she gets home this week, because if the 6yr old misses any more days of school, she will be held back. IN KINDERGARTEN!!!!! Can you feel my frustration????? Oh, and how do you suppose she is going to keep this from her man. Her 6yr old is going to tell Daddy all about their little trip. My friend said they have been calling her friend Uncle, but so what! Her daughter is not dumb....she is going to talk. What 6yr old wouldn't. I seriously fear for her life. From both her man and this new guy. He could say he was taking her back home, and kill her along the way, and dump the body. Her kids too!!!! All I have is a name and phone number for this person. It's just crazy! I no longer live in the same state as my friend, but I always try to maintain contact with her, because I fear for her life. I have even gone as far as calling the local police in her city to check on her when I can't get in touch with her due to phones being disconnected. What more can I do? I guess all I can do is continue to pray for her, pray that she will make it back home, pray this guy won't do anything crazy and pray her man won't kill her when he gets out. I have even told her to get a will. Yes I did! I know she didn't want to hear it, but if she ends up dead, I told her I want the kids. Her father has passed away and her mom would be unable to take care of them. And the daddy's family is horrible. The brothers beat their girlfriends too and the mom(their grandma) treats them like crap! I try and tell my girlfriend straight up how the stupid decisions she is making are effecting her kids. Her little girls will grow up thinking being hit is normal, and her son will grow up thinking it's ok. I asked her how would she feel if her girls were in the same situation she was in. She started to cry, but crying is not good enough! Make a change, do something! Then I asked her, how she felt about his family raising them, and she was dead set against it. Well, that is where it's headed....he is going to end up killing her when he finds out about all this, he will go to prison and the kids are left to his family. I have a headache just thinking about it. What can I do???????
Wow, you have your hands full. All you can do is really just be there for her and give her advice. You can't MAKE her do something she doesn't want to do. Some people are very hard headed and need to fall on their face before realizing they are in a bad relationship or in a bad situation. It's sad I know but what can you do?? Not much but be there for her to listen to her because she is going to do what she's gonna do.
ReplyDeleteI hope things turn out better for her. Pray alot!
Lisa