Thursday, March 18, 2010
I dreamt of Samuel the other night. I dreamt I traveled back in time to when he was alive. I think I had this dream because I recently watched The Time Travelers Wife. By the way, the book was much better than the movie. In my dream, I knew Samuel was going to die, and I was trying to change that, but knew I may not be able to. I recall hugging him so tight, and pleading with him to let me know that he was OK and in Heaven….to send me some kind of sign, then he disappeared.
When I woke up, I lay in bed thinking about the possibility of time travel. Before Samuel was killed, I always wanted to go back in time to when my Mom was alive. I wanted more time with her. I wanted to know more about her, her childhood, her thoughts, her dreams, even her fears. There’s so much I don’t know about my Mom and as a kid, you don't think about it. I was 15 when she died, she was 31.
Now that Samuel has passed, I’m not sure I would want to go back that far. What if I went back to the time my Mom was alive, did something different and it altered my whole life? There would be no Samuel, or possibly none of my boys. Could I take that chance? Would I take that chance? I don't know. But what if I could go back to the time Samuel was alive, even the day before and prevent him from being killed? I know, why even think about such things? It could never happen, but I can’t help it. I wish there was something I could have done to prevent Samuel from being killed…some kind of way to have him here still, but I can't.
The only time travel I can do now is in my mind.