Monday, January 25, 2010

39

Me
self portrait taken on my birthday

I am 39 years and 3 days old today. In my 39 years I have...

~lost my mom to cancer when I was 15 - she was 31.
~lived in 3 states, New York, Texas and now North Carolina
~given birth to 4 boys, Samuel, Manuel, Ezekiel and Elijah
~stood before God and said "I do" to the only man who was meant for me, who makes me better
~buried my first born Samuel who was shot and killed at the age of 19
~had many jobs, but none that was truly my passion
~yet to figure out what my purpose is
~will become a Grandma

I feel these are some of the big things that made me who I am today. As I get older, I think back on my life, where I have been and where I'm going. A friend told me it's all down hill from here....half my life is over and if I live to be 80, I guess that's true. And I wonder what difference did I make? Why did God put me in this life? At this point, I can't answer that. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, asking myself a lot of questions, trying to get to the heart and soul of ME and I'm finding it hard. I know this journey of finding myself is not going to be easy, but it's something I must do, especially if half my life is over.

1 comment:

Deneka Booth said...

Saida,

I believe that God blessed you with this wonderful talent to write and photograph life. Your words are heartfelt and well thought out. I lost my son a long time ago due to the violence I sufferred from the hands of his father. I held him in my arms as he breathed his last breath. I can not forget what he felt like or smelled like. Our children win a part of our hearts and never let go, even after their lives have faded away.

Thank you for helping me heal. God is Almighty and He sent you into my life. I thank Him for that!

Deneka