Thursday, October 27, 2011
The pain never stops - Samuel
On Samuel's birthday I asked my friends and family to share any photos or memories they have of Samuel. My step-mom text some pictures to me. Pictures I had never seen of Samuel. I asked her to send me the actual pictures so I could scan them. I got the pictures in the mail yesterday.
When I opened the mailbox and saw the box, my heart started racing. I wanted so much to see the pictures, but knew it would be hard. Even though Samuel has been gone for 2yrs I still have a hard time looking at his pictures. It hurts so much! I'm sure other Mom's who have lost a child can understand. You look back at the pictures, remembering the baby, the little boy and wonder why....WHY! Why is he no longer here? Why did some punk grab a gun, point it at my sons back, while he was laying on the ground unconscious and SHOOT him! OVER A DARE!!!!!!!!!
WHY! WHY! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I look at the precious, beautiful little boy he was, and the young man he was becoming and my heart breaks. Just when you think you can breathe again, when you think the pain isn't so crushing, it all comes back with a glimpse of a picture.
I couldn't look at them long.......the hurt, the anger, the tears were just too much. Even writing this post is too much right now......