Forty-Seven

“The chief beauty about time is that you cannot waste it in advance. The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you, as perfect, as unspoiled, as if you had never wasted or misapplied a single moment in all your life. You can turn over a new leaf every hour if you choose.”
~ Arnold Bennett

13/52 Self portraits in black and white

Let's get this weekend started!! It's going to be in the 70s tomorrow. I plan on cleaning my flower bed and planting. And have some sewing on the agenda also. What about you?

12/52 Self Portraits in Black and White

For the past couple of weeks I've been slightly obsessed with rag dolls. My Instagram and Pinterest feeds are filled with them. I was searching for books and patterns on making rag dolls and realized I already had one. I devoured it in one setting! I see some handmade rag dolls in my future.

11/52 Self Portraits in Black And White - Happy Birthday Mommy!

Today is my Mommy's birthday. She would have been 62, but she will forever be 31. I wanted to pay tribute to her today, by showing off this sweater. This sweater is over 30 years old and the only thing I kept of my Moms. She wore it all the time. I always thought it was too busy and never really liked it, but it was her. The sweater has been tucked away in the closet and one day I decided to pull it out and try it on. As I slide my arms into the sleeve I really NOTICED the sweater. I mean really looked at it and realized it was hand knit! I always thought it was store bought. Being a knitter now, I was able to tell the hand knit stitches, and all the work my Mom put into this sweater. All the little flowers, the diamond motif, the yarn made buttons. It was just amazing to me. No wonder my Mom wore it all the time. She must have been so proud of her work. Having this knowledge, the sweater is more precious to me than ever.

I love that I share knitting with her, that we have this connection. Her memory, her life, her gift is alive in me. 

Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you always and forever.

10/52 Self Portraits in Black and White - My Love of Dolls

I love dolls. Not the plastic, mass manufactured dolls, but unique handmade knit or cloth dolls. Raggedy Ann was one of my favorites growing up. She still is.

I've written about my love of dolls before, but have never shared my most cherished doll. My Cabbage Patch doll. This was the last doll my Mom gave to me before she died. She has followed me everywhere since I got her. From state to state, city to city, house to house. No matter where my life has taken me, through good times, and bad she's been there. Since we moved to this house, she's been residing on a self in my closet. I smile whenever I see her, think of my mom and last Christmas she was alive. It's bittersweet.

You know as I sit and write this, I realize she doesn't have a name. Well, I'm sure she had a name when I first got her, but I can't remember it, and don't recall calling her anything but "my cabbage patch doll" How sad. I really need to name her. She deserves a name for always being there. A tangible piece of my childhood.

9/52 - Self Portraits in Black and White - Anniversary Edition!

Most nights as I get ready for bed, I look for one of Fonzy's old white t-shirts. Even though I have plenty of pajamas, there's nothing better than sleeping in one of his t-shirts. If I have nightmares, I nudge him awake, he will pull me close to him and my nightmares go away.

Today we have been married for 14 years. Come July, we will have been together for 19 years. It hasn't always been rainbows and sunshine. We've fought, broken up, made up, laughed and cried. Some days we can't get enough of each other, some days we can't stand each other. But that's how love is sometimes.

I love this life we've built together. We have 2 boys who have grown up to be pretty good kids. One has already spread his wings and left the nest(college), the other is close behind, I'm looking forward to what our new life will be. Just the two of us. We've talked of traveling and new adventures. No matter what, we've got each other.

So Fonzy, here's to what was probably just a booty call in the beginning to almost 19 years of happily ever after!

I love you always and forever! And your white shirts.

8/52 - Self Portraits in Black and White

It's been an emotional week.

My beautiful Aunt Elba passed away from cancer. She was only 59. Too young. What brings me comfort is she is now in Heaven with my Mom, her only sister and my Grandmother, her Mom. All together again. ❤❤❤

7/52 Self Portraits in Black and White

We are in week seven and I'm still hanging in there. Yay me!

I'm not sure where this journey is going to take me. I have ideas swirling in my head for portraits. Some strange, a little crazy, some pulling me out of my comfort zone. But I'm feeling this was the purpose of the project. I want the pictures to capture the essence of me. The day to day, but also the weird, crazy, strange images I have in my mind.

This weeks picture states my everyday. Coffee, knitting and wishing for a nap!

6/52 - Self Portraits in Black and White

 The morning hair struggle is REAL!

When I was in middle school, my hair was short. I'm not sure if it was because I wanted it short, or because my Mom got tired of doing it. I have always been tender-headed and getting my hair done was pure torture! I remember one day, sitting in class and some kids were making fun of my hair. Saying it was so short and I looked like a boy and was ugly. I remember that day clearly. Tears welled up in my eyes and I hated my hair! I wanted so bad for it to be long.

My hair grew back, but when Halle Berry's short hair became popular, I cut my hair like hers. The kids in middle school taunting me came to mind, but I don't recall hating my hair then.

I've always had a love/hate relationship with my hair. I've wanted it curly, then bone straight, thinner, a lighter color, maybe even red. I was never quite satisfied. But now, I actually love my hair. Yes, it takes a long time to do, yes sometimes it's a hot mess, but that's ok. I don't plan on cutting it short ever again.

My Grandmother would always quote the Bible saying a women's hair is her crowning glory and should never be cut. She would be so happy with it now.

5/52 Self Portraits in Black And White

"If you don't have any shadows, you're not in the light."
~Lady Gaga

4/52 ~ Self Portraits in Black & White ~ Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday I celebrated 46 years on this earth.

46 years.

3/52 ~ Black and White Self Portraits ~ Today I Marched!!!

I've never participated in a march before, but today that changed. Today I marched!!!

When I woke up this morning, it was a dreary, foggy day. All I wanted to do was stay curled up in bed. But I couldn't do it. I got out of bed, jumped in the shower, braided my hair, put my pussyhat on and rolled out.

I grabbed some coffee, picked up my girlfriend and we made our way downtown. I can't tell you how empowering it felt to be in that crowd. Neither one of us had ever marched before, so we didn't know what to expect. We were just excited and hyped to be there. We were among women of all ages, race, color, and creed! There were little girls in strollers chanting along with women probably in their 80s. We were there to stand together in solidarity and fight for our rights as generations of women before us did. A few older women had signs stating they couldn't believe they were still fighting for this sh*t! And we are!

We marched, we chanted, we laughed, we shared stories. The atmosphere was electric and filled with hope!

I felt so proud to be among them all. Fighting for our rights. Fighting for human rights. If we all stand together, we can make a change.

WE ARE WOMEN! HEAR US ROAR!

2/52 ~ Black and White Self Portraits

Moody

When I decided to do this project, I had a few ideas of photos I wanted to take. This was not one of them. I took several different photos this day, and after going through them, this one grabbed me. I'm not sure why, but it felt the most authentic of what I was feeling that day...kinda moody.

Some kinda way

Feeling a little sad.......melancholy........in a funk.....some kinda way......not really sure why......

Lazy Day

Today was a rainy, pajama kind of day....

Slump

me

I've been in a bit of a slump lately. Haven't been blogging, no knitting....just doing the bare minimal to get through each day. I'm not sure what's going on with me...just feeling blah. I guess we all go through that sometime. I need to get it together. I think some of my blah-ness is my weight. I hate that I'm such a procrastinator and haven't lost this 20-25lbs. I know I just need to work out, but I don't have the energy. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse. I sometimes have the energy, but just don't want to do it and the weight is not going to just fall off by itself. I'm not even going to write anymore about it. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about weight and not doing anything about it.

Enough!

Self portrait

~*~*~* SMOOTCHES*~*~*~

Self portrait - Cruella Deville

This is me, in all my morning glory. No make-up, hair all wild, didn't even brush my teeth yet. According to Ezekiel....I look like Cruella Deville.

I don't see the resemblance.

Do you???