Tuesday, July 20, 2010

In the clouds

clouds On cloudy days, I search for you.
I look into the heavens knowing you are there, but unable to see you.
With the sun shining through the clouds, I can picture you there.
I want so badly to see you again. To see your smile, to hear your laugh, to hug you just one last time.

I think of you everyday. Holding on to precious memories. Trying to forgot the way you died. The way you looked in the casket - forever 19.

So I gaze into the clouds - imagine you there - smiling down on me.



Anonymous said...

Isaida - reading this just breaks my heart....It makes me just want to go home and hug and kiss my son and tell him I'm sorry for all the times that I was too busy to hear one of his stories, or for just wanting to close my door and hide. It just makes me realize how uncertain life is, and none of us knows when it will be the last time we will be with our loved ones. I'm soooo sorry my dear friend. Love you dearly.


Isolated Existence. said...

Beautiful post...

Jamie Lapeyrolerie said...

A beautiful post and beautiful imagery to go with it. Thank you for sharing your story!

Margaret said...

Thought you may like this .

Spirit Gifts

Grief is such an individual journey. We are cast on its path without our consent, enveloped by a depth of pain we never dreamed existed. We’ ll have times when despair and loneliness threaten to engulf us.

But we do have one companion on this lonely, unsought road: our child who died. I think there is never a moment in the day when a part of me is not connected to my child, to our years together and to our present relationship. Our journey through grief is a good-bye to the physical presence of our children, but it is never good-bye to their spirits and to the essence of their beings. My child lives inside me now, and the same gifts he gave me when he was physically alive are still available to me through his spirit. In some ways, those "spirit gifts" are stronger, because they are contained and undiluted within me.

When the days get unbearably hard, when I think of all this wonderful young person missed by not getting to live out his life, I try to remember to focus on the present child, the one who lives inside me. I try to integrate his gifts into my life, sometimes seeing through his eyes, thinking from his heart and mind. Often, he reminds me to pay attention and not miss the beauty of nature that surrounds me.
No matter how old your child who died, the essence of this unique being remains with you forever. It is through us and others who knew them that our children continue to live and affect our present world. Though not in the way we hoped and expected, our beloved children are still very much alive.

So......... may the spirit of the child who lives so deep within your heart help you through this day and through every moment of this journey and the re-establishing of your life without their physical presence.

Kitty Reeve, TCF, San Francisco