Foggy

Foggy.

It's funny how a foggy morning gets your mind turning.

Sometimes when calling out to one of my boys, I catch myself saying Samuel.

Sometimes in a moment, I forget he is no longer here.

Sitting at a red light, I realize this year will mark 5 years since he has been gone. Really? 5 years? No....can't be. I had to recount, using my fingers.

He was killed May 23, 2009.

2010...2011...2012...2013....2014...yes this year will be 5 years.

I see his face, remember his smile....but sometimes my brain is foggy and I can't remember how he sounded when he laughed. His voice gets a little foggy, but then I remember I have a cd...with his voice on it. I try to play it, but then remember how much it hurts to hear his voice. And sometimes, I welcome the fog, the forgetting for a moment. Because in that moment, that split second, he's still here.

But only for a moment.