Wednesday, September 22, 2010

rough day

Samuel fishing with Ezekiel and Elijah

I'm having a rough time today. To be honest, it started last night. Fonzy and the boys were at football practice and I was home alone. I’ve been watching the Ghost Whisperer lately. I know, some people might think it’s a corny show, but within the past few months, I’ve been DVR-ing all the past episodes. Normally, I can watch the show and I’m ok, but last night it got to me. I started thinking about Samuel wishing I could just talk to him one last time. To hug him and tell him how much I love and miss him. Then last night, I dreamt about him. He was a kid, about 11 or 12 and I knew he was dead, so I just grabbed on to him and held him so tight. I didn’t want to let go, because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t get the chance to hold him again. The alarm went off while I was holding him. I wanted so much to go back to sleep and find him again in my dreams. I guess that’s why I’m kind of down today. I’m really missing Samuel. I’m at work trying to hold it together; it’s not working…..

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