thoughts

I love this time of year. The lights, the decorations, the tree, the Christmas music. All of it. It's a magical time of year.

This year is a little bit different for me. I'm missing Samuel, but also Manuel is dealing with a lot right now. Choices he has made, has made his life difficult right now. He's 20, made some mistakes, but now has to live with them. I was hoping he and Carmen would be here for Christmas, but I'm not sure that is going to happen now.

I wanted Manuel's life to be so different from what it is. I wanted Samuel's life to turn out different than it did. But again, all the coulda, woulda, shoulda is not going to help the situation. I just pray everyday for Manuel, his life and his daugher, my grandbaby, Carmen. I want her life to be so much better than what she has right now, but it's out of my hands. There is nothing I can do about it....except pray....for all of them.

When I started this post, I was going to talk about the magic of this season, but right now, as I sit and type this, my heart is hurting and I can't seem to think about the magic right now. Maybe tomorrow will be better and I will see and feel the magic again.