Thursday, October 21, 2010

Samuel's 21 Birthday

Yesterday was a dreary autumn day....kinda fit my mood. Samuel's birthday was yesterday. He would have been 21. He should have been celebrating, but instead we were celebrating without him. I wanted to head to the beach, but was unable to, so we had our balloon release at home. Elijah said we needed to bake Samuel a cake, I did cupcakes instead. Everyone went off to school/work and I stayed home alone. Time to think about Samuel, his life - playing the coulda, woulda, shoulda game. So many things I wish I could change, time I wish I could have back. But of course all the wishes in the world doesn’t change the reality. He's gone and there is nothing I can do about it.

So every day I wake up, being the mother of murdered child, trying to do my best with the boys I have here on earth, so I never have to play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game with them, while never forgetting the one I have in Heaven.

samuel's 21 bday
21 balloons

samuel 21 bday
Happy Birthday Samuel - We love and miss you so much!

samuel 21 bday The boys, Me and Jay(my brother) - sending birthday wishes to Heaven

samuel 21 bday

samuel 21 bday

samuel 21 bday
Elijah wanted to keep one of the balloons - I'm sure Samuel didn't mind.


Rachel said...

Happy Birthday Samuel!!!

Anonymous said...

All my love to you sweetie and to your family, I wish I had the strength you have!!! God Bless!!! and lots of (((hugs))) - Bette

Lisa said...

Happy birthday Sam!! I think the idea of letting go of balloons are so thoughtful and meaningful. Hugs to you all!

Tracy said...

He was the breeze that carried the ballooons upward.


Harma said...

Reading this post gave me goosebumps. I love how you celebrate and remember your dear son. Hugs!

Kathy Sykes said...

This was extremely beautiful! Keep his memory alive!!! Thanks for sharing.