Thursday, October 21, 2010

Samuel's 21 Birthday

Yesterday was a dreary autumn day....kinda fit my mood. Samuel's birthday was yesterday. He would have been 21. He should have been celebrating, but instead we were celebrating without him. I wanted to head to the beach, but was unable to, so we had our balloon release at home. Elijah said we needed to bake Samuel a cake, I did cupcakes instead. Everyone went off to school/work and I stayed home alone. Time to think about Samuel, his life - playing the coulda, woulda, shoulda game. So many things I wish I could change, time I wish I could have back. But of course all the wishes in the world doesn’t change the reality. He's gone and there is nothing I can do about it.

So every day I wake up, being the mother of murdered child, trying to do my best with the boys I have here on earth, so I never have to play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game with them, while never forgetting the one I have in Heaven.

samuel's 21 bday
21 balloons

samuel 21 bday
Happy Birthday Samuel - We love and miss you so much!

samuel 21 bday The boys, Me and Jay(my brother) - sending birthday wishes to Heaven

samuel 21 bday

samuel 21 bday

samuel 21 bday
Elijah wanted to keep one of the balloons - I'm sure Samuel didn't mind.

6 comments:

Rachel said...

Happy Birthday Samuel!!!

Anonymous said...

All my love to you sweetie and to your family, I wish I had the strength you have!!! God Bless!!! and lots of (((hugs))) - Bette

Lisa said...

Happy birthday Sam!! I think the idea of letting go of balloons are so thoughtful and meaningful. Hugs to you all!

Tracy said...

He was the breeze that carried the ballooons upward.

{{{HUGS}}}}

Harma said...

Reading this post gave me goosebumps. I love how you celebrate and remember your dear son. Hugs!

Kathy Sykes said...

This was extremely beautiful! Keep his memory alive!!! Thanks for sharing.