Yesterday was a dreary autumn day....kinda fit my mood. Samuel's birthday was yesterday. He would have been 21. He should have been celebrating, but instead we were celebrating without him. I wanted to head to the beach, but was unable to, so we had our balloon release at home. Elijah said we needed to bake Samuel a cake, I did cupcakes instead. Everyone went off to school/work and I stayed home alone. Time to think about Samuel, his life - playing the coulda, woulda, shoulda game. So many things I wish I could change, time I wish I could have back. But of course all the wishes in the world doesn’t change the reality. He's gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
So every day I wake up, being the mother of murdered child, trying to do my best with the boys I have here on earth, so I never have to play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game with them, while never forgetting the one I have in Heaven.
Happy Birthday Samuel - We love and miss you so much!
The boys, Me and Jay(my brother) - sending birthday wishes to Heaven
Elijah wanted to keep one of the balloons - I'm sure Samuel didn't mind.