Yesterday was a dreary autumn day....kinda fit my mood. Samuel's birthday was yesterday. He would have been 21. He should have been celebrating, but instead we were celebrating without him. I wanted to head to the beach, but was unable to, so we had our balloon release at home. Elijah said we needed to bake Samuel a cake, I did cupcakes instead. Everyone went off to school/work and I stayed home alone. Time to think about Samuel, his life - playing the coulda, woulda, shoulda game. So many things I wish I could change, time I wish I could have back. But of course all the wishes in the world doesn’t change the reality. He's gone and there is nothing I can do about it.
So every day I wake up, being the mother of murdered child, trying to do my best with the boys I have here on earth, so I never have to play the woulda, coulda, shoulda game with them, while never forgetting the one I have in Heaven.
21 balloons
Happy Birthday Samuel - We love and miss you so much!
The boys, Me and Jay(my brother) - sending birthday wishes to Heaven
Elijah wanted to keep one of the balloons - I'm sure Samuel didn't mind.
Happy Birthday Samuel!!!
ReplyDeleteAll my love to you sweetie and to your family, I wish I had the strength you have!!! God Bless!!! and lots of (((hugs))) - Bette
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday Sam!! I think the idea of letting go of balloons are so thoughtful and meaningful. Hugs to you all!
ReplyDeleteHe was the breeze that carried the ballooons upward.
ReplyDelete{{{HUGS}}}}
Reading this post gave me goosebumps. I love how you celebrate and remember your dear son. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThis was extremely beautiful! Keep his memory alive!!! Thanks for sharing.
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