Friday, October 9, 2009

Beckoning....

ocean

I’m not the person I used to be. I don’t like the person I’ve become. I feel as if I’m losing my mind. I’m tired. I’m scared, I’m hurting, I’m confused, I can’t sleep, haven’t been eating, always worried that I'm going to lose the people I love most. I’m just going through the motions, barely making it day by day. I feel as if I’m drowning…fighting for air, struggling to stay alive. But sometimes….sometimes…..I just want to stop fighting,...to float. The water is calling, it’s beckoning to me, whispering my name, telling me to let it all go, jump in…forget your pain, forget your worries….forget life.
It’s better here....

5 comments:

Laura and AV said...

Isaida..thinkin of ur beautiful Samuel today & always..luv to u & ur family as we travel this heartbreakin road..we r always here for u..luv u...
Laura and AV
Bound by our angels forever...

Andrea (Pilgrim) Stange said...

i'm praying for you.

Medina said...

beautiful post. keep writing, keep remembering, keep feeling, keep going. you are the one who will bring you back again. nothing will make this easier, nothing will make you heal faster, but there will come a time when you dont have to push yourself to be, because things will come together and Samuel will smile at your joy and your laughter once again. sending my luv~c

JayJack said...

I know it has to be tough for you sis. But that beckoning you are feeling and that desire to stop fighting. Thats the Lord telling you to lay it all at his feet. It is a burden you don't have to bear alone. As the parable says "But what about the times I only saw one set of footprints" and the Lord replied "It was then I carried you my son". I know it has to be hard to see any preverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But your light is being blessed with three other healthy boys and a great husband. And that coupled with strength from the Lord ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Smile. I love you!.

Anonymous said...

Isaida, JayJack is right! :-)
God wants you to give him your pain, give him your thoughts, cry out to Him. He will carry the load. You've got to do this and trust Him! All of us can pray for you, but you've got to pray to Him for yourself. He wants you to come to Him! I haven't experienced what you are going through, but I do know, God can do anything but fail you! You've got to do this Isaida, so you will not go crazy. This is what the enemy wants for you...don't give him any power! Samuel is fine...if he could come back to you for a moment, I'm sure he would tell you not to worry but to make sure your life is right so that you can live with our Maker, our Creator, our Heavenly Father one day.
I love you much. I will be talking to you real soon.
Veronica