Trial

Got a call from the DA yesterday. The trial is Monday! I thought I would get more notice than this. I was told I would get more notice than this, but alas that's the justice system. Fonzy and I will head out tomorrow morning for the long drive to Texas. About 26 hours. We are driving straight thru and will take turns driving. I'm sure he will do the majority of the driving. I had to take some Motrin PM last night to sleep. I knew if I didn't take it I would be up all night tossing and turning. It's almost been a year since Samuel was killed. A year? It seems just like yesterday, but at times it seems like forever. Forever since he called me mom, forever since he told me his hopes and dreams. Forever since he said love you.

After the trial, during the sentencing phase the family is allowed to give impact statements. I've been writing this statement in my head for months. What do I say to the guy who shot my son in the back while he was laying on the ground unconscious? What? I guess I have this long drive to think about it.

I need to have pictures of Samuel there to show the judge/jury who Samuel was. What his hopes and dreams were. To make Samuel real to them. To tell them what this punk took from us. How can you sum up all the pain you feel in your heart every second of every day. How do you sum up a lifetime, his short life in a statement? I'm at a loss. I know I need to have something written down, because I will get up on the stand and probably forget everything I want to say. I know I will be a mess when I have to look this guy in face. To see him in the flesh and not on TV.

Right now I'm just confused, scared, angry and not looking forward to this at all.