Seasons

I love that we live in a place with all four seasons. Just about the time you get tired of one season, the next one rolls in. As each season changes, I find myself heading out to capture the uniqueness that is each season. When I took these pictures, the leaves were just emerging. Now, two weeks later all is lush and green again.

I've been thinking a lot about seasons...specifically seasons in a life. A couple weekends ago the boys asked to watch our old home videos. We have video of both the boys being born, a few Christmas's and other random videos. To see them as babies again, my heart ached. I said several times I wished I could go back. Do it all again. I feel I rushed their childhoods and missed so much. At times, I didn't even recognize the person I was in the videos. I feel I've changed a lot since then. I've grown, and feel more confident in who I am. I know I struggled a lot back then with self esteem. I never felt enough. I felt I was always lacking. And maybe that's why in several of the videos I wasn't smiling. Oh....to go back as the person I am today. I truly believe I would cherish it, hold all the moments a little tighter. Cuddle and love on those babies longer and know that I was enough for them. My love was enough for them. But I cannot. That season has passed, and all I have are my memories and videos of a younger, unsmiling me. The me now, would go back to the me than and shake her!!

"Smile dang it!! These are some of your best times! You have a a good life, people who love you and beautiful babies. One day you are going to look back and wish you could have this again!" 

The season I'm in now...it's a good season too. I find myself holding on tighter, wishing time would slow down....knowing that it won't. Each season has it's time, and whether I like it or not...this season will soon pass too.