Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!

Today was a great day for pumpkin carving.

boys and I

the boys and I

the boys and I

boys and I

boys and I



Kisses for Mom

our masterpieces
Our masterpieces

Ezekiel and I - turning into ghosts
Ezekiel and I turning into ghosts.

It’s a Girl!

Manuel was a little upset at first, but I think he's getting use to the idea of having a girl. I'm so excited I think it rubbed off on him. I told him she will be "Daddy's Little Girl". Now I really need to work on getting them here. I told him I was calling all my friends and letting them know we are having a girl. He said "Mom, WE are not having a girl! Andrea and I are having a girl!" Oh, yeah….I forgot :)

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!

Boy or Girl


Well, today is the day we find out if Manuel and Andrea are having a boy or girl. I'm hoping for a girl, but of course Manuel wants a boy. It would be so nice to have a Granddaughter….all the cute, pink clothes and girly things. I just wished they lived here instead of Texas. I hate them being so far away. I hope I'm able to be there for the birth, but I doubt it. I don't think once Andrea goes into labor the baby will hold on until I get there. The sonogram appointment is at 2:15pm central time, so I will be back later today to update once I find out.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Knits in progress

candy corn hat
I found these cute candy corn hats on Ravelry and thought to myself, wouldn't the boys and I look cute in these. I planned on taking the boys to a pumpkin patch this year and we would all wear our cute hats. Yes, I was going to wear a candy corn hat in public and wear it proudly since I made it. Well, as you can see, didn't happen. The pumpkin patch or the hats. This was the first hat I started. I had to get my one pumpkin hat done for charity, so the candy corn hats were put on the back burner....the back, back, burner. I figure I now have a year to finish my 3 hats for next year. They are going to be so cute!

Carolina Panthers Stocking Cap for Ezekiel
This hat is Ezekiels. It's going to be a stocking cap in Carolina Panther colors. Ezekiel loved the Panthers. LOVED being the operative word here. Since Delhomme is probably the worst quarterback this season, he's not feeling them that much. Oh well, he is still getting this hat and he better wear it proudly.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Deep Roots

When I die, she said, I'm coming back as a tree with deep roots & I'll wave my leaves at the children every morning on their way to school & whisper tree songs at night in their dreams. Trees with deep roots know about the things children need.
~Story People

Deep Roots

Pumpkin Hat

pumpkin hat
I've been meaning to post these pictures for a while. The knitting meetup group I'm a part of were donating pumpkin hats to babies/toddlers in Duke Hospital. This was only my second time knitting a hat, but I couldn't resist the cute hats. I knitted Elijah a hat a few months ago, but have yet to post a picture of it. Note to self: Get picture of Elijah wearing his hat. I originally told the group I would knit up two hats. That didn't happen. I'm still learning and can knit on circular needles with no problem, but once the hat gets smaller you have to change to 4 double pointed needles and I'm still having a hard time learning how to maneuver 4 needles. That little green stem drove me nuts! I was too happy once I got the hat done! It was the cutest thing, but there was no way I was making another one.

I'm currently working on a hat for Ezekiel. I'll take pictures of my progress when I take the picture of Elijah. With all the hats I want to make, I should get the 4 double pointed needle thing down! At least I hope I do! And I hope a little baby and his/her parents enjoy the one pumpkin hat I did. It was made with lots of love...along with some sweat and tears, but mostly love.

pumpkin hat

Mother's Work

multi-tasking mami

Last week was a crazy one for me. Monday I worked from home because Ezekiel was sick, and couldn't go to school, Tuesday was Samuel's birthday, so we all took the day off and went to the beach, Wednesday, I went in to work for half a day since the boys school had an early release day, and then Thursday I worked from home again because Elijah got sick! And along with working from home, I was trying to get caught up on laundry and any other chores we have neglected. I didn't get much done! Oh well....a Mother's work is never done.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

MOMS coming together

Driving down a curvy, country road, I thought about the women I were going to meet. We had only chatted online, or talked on the phone, but we all shared a bond we wished we hadn't. Our children had been murdered. I found MOMS a few weeks after Samuel's death. I felt the need to connect with someone who could understand my pain. There is no pain like a lose of child, but even more so when you child has been murdered. When I stumbled on the MOMS message board I found the connection I needed. These Moms understood, and now I was on my way to meet two of them in person. I was excited, but also a little nervous. I just didn't know what to expect.

We were having lunch in a quaint little town at The General Store Cafe. I was the first to arrive, and couldn't resist taking pictures.




I was only able to take a few pictures by the time Darien, Shirley, and Shirley's sister (sorry Shirley, I forgot your sister's name) arrived. The first thing we did was give real hugs! Whenever we post on the message board, we always give "hugs" to someone in need, it was great to give actual hugs. Another lady joined us, but I'm not sure if she would want me to mention her name. Her sister and nieces, age 17 and 11 were killed. So she wasn't exactly a MOMS, but we don't discriminate. She has suffered a loss like the rest of us.

Lunch was very good. We got to talk about our kids/family, share pics and talk of how we are coping or not coping and at times even shed a few tears. I would love if all us MOMS could come together for a weekend retreat or something. It helps being with others who can truly understand your pain and thoughts. There have been so many times I was going through something and got on the MOMS board to see a post that could have been my own. The feelings, the thoughts, the's something we all share, even though we wish we didn't.

Shirley made this mug for me...

Shirley - Jimmy's mom, Me and Darien - Keara's mom


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Samuel's Birthday Celebration

Samuel's birthday was Tuesday...he would have been 20. I wanted to celebrate Samuel's birthday, his life. I didn't want it to be a sad day, so I decided I wanted to be at the beach. The beach is my favorite place. Fonzy, the boys and I took the day off of school and work and headed to beach for our celebration. The boys wrote letters to Samuel and we stuck them inside balloons that we sent up to Heaven....20 balloons.

samuel's bday 09

samuel's bday '09

samuel's bday 09
walking to the beach

samuel's bday '09
getting ready for the balloon release...

samuel's bday '09

samuel's bday '09
releasing our balloons and letters to Samuel

samuel's bday '09

samuel's bday 09

samuel's bday 09
Happy Birthday Samuel...I love you and miss you beyond words.

samuel's bday 09

samuel's bday 09

samuel's bday 09

samuel's bday 09

samuel's bday '09

samuel's bday '09

samuel's bday '09

samuel's bday '09


Manuel, my brother Junior and Samuel's friends had a balloon release at the cemetary on Samuel's birthday.

samuel's bday

samuel's bday '09

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Loss of Child (author unknown)

The moment that I knew you had died,
My heart split in two,
The one side filled with memories,
The other died with you.

I often lay awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep,
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheek.

Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But missing you is a heartache,
That never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart,
And there you will remain,
Life has gone on without you,
But it never will be the same.

For those who still have their children,
Treat them with tender care,
You will never know the emptiness,
As when you turn and they are not there.

Don't tell me that you understand,
Don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.

Don't tell me this is just a test,
That I am truly blessed.
That I am chosen for the task,
Apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me,
Don't tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgment
Of the bonds I must untie,
Don't tell me how to grieve,
Don't tell me when to cry.

Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, "My friend, I care."


Friday, October 9, 2009



I’m not the person I used to be. I don’t like the person I’ve become. I feel as if I’m losing my mind. I’m tired. I’m scared, I’m hurting, I’m confused, I can’t sleep, haven’t been eating, always worried that I'm going to lose the people I love most. I’m just going through the motions, barely making it day by day. I feel as if I’m drowning…fighting for air, struggling to stay alive. But sometimes….sometimes…..I just want to stop fighting, float. The water is calling, it’s beckoning to me, whispering my name, telling me to let it all go, jump in…forget your pain, forget your worries….forget life.
It’s better here....

Friday, October 2, 2009

Happy Birthday Man of Mine


There are no words I could write to portray all that I feel for you…but I’m going to try. I thank God every single day for you and pray whenever we are apart that God brings you safely back to me. I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. Even though we have been together for over 11yrs, I still miss you when we’re apart, still get excited when I know you are coming home. I look forward to every night sleeping by your side. I pray that when it’s time for us to leave this earth, that I am the first to go because I don’t think I could live without you. Even in the rare event that we fight or argue, I still love you...and the making up is oh so sweet.

Fonzy, you are any woman’s dream come true and I’m so glad that you chose me to be your wife. I am the luckiest girl in the world! Every man should emulate all that you are, loving, strong, protective of your family, the best daddy, teacher, coach, and mentor, you strive to do your best in all that you do, and it shows! I am so proud to be your wife. You are my soul mate…my everything. I don’t think I would have made it through the death of Samuel without you. You seem to know when I am feeling down and will find a way to make me laugh. You take my mind off of the sadness and remind me of all the love I still have in this world.

Fonzy, I pray that you have an awesome day today. Anything I can do to make it extra special just let me know. The boys and I love you with all that we are and pray that we have many, many, many more birthdays with you!

Love you always and forever!
sitel :)


The many faces of Fonzy - some of my favorites.

elijahbaseball09 029
so sexy....

easter 054

fonzy 019
Love to see you laugh....

fonzy 013


the family man.....


football 029
the coach.....

hard worker....tired after a long day


july4 105
the athlete....

july4 063

july4 038
the thinker....

july4 020

die hard Longhorn fan

fathers day 025
best daddy in the world

Elijah's party 055

teacher and coach...

park 102
daddy's hands....

Mr. GQ......

Snow Day

Snow Day