I have a container full of memories...
Memories of my childhood.
Memories of a mom who died way too young, 31.
Memories of being a young mother myself.
Memories of two little boys(Samuel & Manuel), who helped mold me into the mom I am today.
Memories of a second set of little boys(Ezekiel & Elijah), who hopefully have a better, more experienced Mom than the first two had.
Memories of a son/brother who was taken away from us all too soon....
"Mommy - is this you?"
"Hahaha - look at Daddy!"
"Mommy - is this baby me?"
"I was a fat baby!"
"Look at my hair!"
"What did you have on?"
"You and Daddy use to be skinny"
"Mommy - I miss Samuel. I wish I had more pictures of me and him together."
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Manuel and his babies - Carmen and Jonah
I was his age (20) with 2 babies also. Not what I had planned, and I'm sure not what he had planned either. It's not easy. The struggles of wanting to be young and carefree, but now having two little ones who totally depend on you. Every decision you make will effect them.
Daddy...a big role. I know it's been hard for him. Trying to do the right thing. Sometimes doing the right thing hurts. Sometimes you want to give up. I've been there. I understand.
I too was 20 with 2 babies - Like mother, like son.
Samuel and Manuel - my first two babies
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I'm going to start a new series of pictures called Pieces of the Day. A record of the little things that make up our everyday lives.
Love fried chicken, with lots of garlic, but hate the greasy mess afterwards!
Playing the Wii.
Labels: pieces of the day
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
The winds have subsided, the rain has stopped and Huricane Irene is on her way to NYC. Our coast was hit pretty hard, but we were ok. Didn't even lose electricity....so thankful for that.
I planned on cleaning today and getting some knitting done, right after I cooked a big breakfast. The breakfast happened, the cleaning and knitting did not! We all just basically lounged around and did nothing. I take that back, I did clean the frig and organized my tupperware cabinet. After that hard work, I needed a nap!
All in all, Hurricane Irene didn't effect us too much. Just a rainy, very windy day to chill at home.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Watching and waiting...
Hurricane Irene is on her way. The clouds have rolled in, winds picked up and the rain has started.
We are settling in for the weekend, and hoping the storm won't be too bad. Since all sporting activities have been canceled for tomorrow morning, I plan on making a big breakfast, cleaning house, then relaxing!
There will be some knitting, some picture taking, and movie watching with Fonzy and the boys. It's going to be a good family weekend, regardless of Hurricane Irene!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Elijah - 4th grade, Ezekiel, 7th grade and Mr. Veale - the Teacher.
Yay!!!!! Today is the first day of school!
Can you see the excitement in their faces! The eagerness to learn! They are ready to head out and tackle this new school year! They can barely contain themselves! Can you see it? No? Yea...me either! I think I'm the only one excited that it's back to school.
2011 - 2012 School Year - Let's make it a good one!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
So we had an earthquake yesterday! An earthquake?!?! Here in NC! I was sitting at my desk, when all of sudden the building starts to shake. My initial thought was someone was rolling something heavy down the hall. Then for a split second, I thought of an earthquake, but quickly dismissed it. There are no earthquakes in NC. Guess I was wrong. Even though it wasn't bad here in NC, an earthquake really gets you to thinking. Life is so short! I know I say this all the time, but in an instant we can be gone!
Hurricane Irene may hit our coast this weekend. Lot's of wind and rain for our area. We need the rain, but not looking forward to all the other stuff. The natural disasters just keep coming. I'm telling you, we all need to make sure we tell the people in our lives we love them. Hold our families a little tighter because you just never know. Life is so unpredictable!
As for my picture....it has absolutely nothing to do with my post. Saw this little crab when I went to the beach in May. Have never seen a crab so little!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Wow - the last days of summer are upon us! When I left for work this morning I noticed it was a little chilly. Fall is on it's way!
We had a good summer. We didn't go anywhere, pretty much stayed close to home, but the best memories are most times of home.
Right now I'm content. My life is not perfect, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Well.....except maybe back on the beach.
Friday, August 19, 2011
The boys have been wanting a dog for some time now. We told them once we bought a house, we would get a dog. We bought the house last summer. Next we told them once we got a fence, we would get a dog. We got the fence this summer. So of course, they want the dog. I have been procrastinating. Really didn't want a dog, until now. Took the boys to the park today, and ran into Joe and Barbara, part of the North Carolina Rottweiler Rescue. They had a rescue rott name Pixie at the lake. She was beautiful and I fell in love. So did the boys!
She was running around, chasing fireflys, jumping in the lake. Just the sweetest dog. On the ride home the boys and I talked about all the fun we could have with Pixie and wanting to adopt her. Also, how we would convince Fonzy we wanted her. Then we talked about the cost of adopting Pixie - $300.
That didn't stop the boys. They said we could raise the $300. Have another garage sale, a lemonade stand, a fund raiser. It would be easy to raise $300. Kids - they believe anything is possible. And it is if you want something bad enough. I'm just glad they were willing to work for the money to get Pixie. So we will see what we can do. But first we have to convince Fonzy!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The countdown to back to school begins now!
One week and summer break is over! Come next week Thursday, these two will back in school! And not a moment too soon! Yay for school!
Summer boredom has taken over at Casa Veale. There's been a lot of lounging around, watching Netflix and complaining "there is nothing to do!" There are bikes in the garage, footballs, baseballs, bats, soccer balls, a huge yard to play in. Crayons, markers, sidewalk chalk, paper, and imagination! Yep...absolutly nothing to do. Poor deprived kids!
I've taken Friday off and am planning an adventure. We are going to use our imaginations and have fun! I haven't told them yet because they would bug the heck out of me, but I'm plotting and planning!
For now, we are sitting around watching Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo. Had to go old school on them! I think they like it!
Last night Fonzy decided to wash his car so it could be all nice and shiny for his first day back at work. His summer break is officially OVER! I'm happy, him - not so much.
While washing his truck, I sat outside to keep him company. Help him? Nah -I'm sure he didn't want me to help. I washed his truck one time and he went right behind me and washed it again, so not doing that again. He's too picky for me! I was content to sit there and watch him, while listening to country music.
Yes....I'm still on my country music kick and apparently the boys have been listening too! So much so, that Ezekiel decided to give me a concert last night in the garage. Move over Scotty McCreery - here comes Ezekiel!
Of course, once Elijah's favorite song came on, Comeback Song by Darius Rucker he wanted in on the concert. Notice their stages? Ezekiel's is my stepper and Elijah's is Fonzy's toolbox. Microphone - a screwdriver! Hey, we had to improvise! Since listening to country music Elijah now wants to learn how to play guitar. Think we might have to look into that.
These priceless moments are what make up our life.
Monday, August 15, 2011
As a kid, do you remember having monsters in your closet? Under the bed? I remember running and jumping in my bed because I was afraid the monster under my bed would grab my feet and pull me under where monsters live. As kids, we all had monsters. The scary, creepy, I'm gonna eat you kind of monsters. But you grow up and the monsters go away, right? Right?
Uh yeah.....the monsters of my childhood are gone, but I've come to realize I have new monsters to deal with, and sometimes these grown up monsters are worse than my childhood ones. It's the monsters of insecurity, jealousy, the monster of not feeling like you're enough. I've struggled with these monsters most of my teen years and some of my adult life. I thought I was finally past all that, but sometimes the monsters sneak out from under my bed and take hold of me again. I feel I'm not a good wife, mother, or friend, and why would anyone love me. I'm horrible! Ugly! Lacking! The green-eyed monster comes back in full force and I turn into a person I don't like, a person I hate! These monsters are so hard to get rid of! When I think I have them beat, here they are again.
I'm fighting these monsters now. Fighting with all that I have in me, to make them disappear once and for all. I am going to beat these monsters!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I guess Fonzy and I won't be getting the Parents of the Year award this year!
We got a call from Ezekiel's football coach yesterday saying he got hurt during practice. Hurt his wrist. Coach said he seemed to be ok, but was sitting on the sidelines. So I go pick up Ezekiel and he's sitting on the field with ice on his wrist, a few tears on his cheek, but seems ok. As soon as we get to the truck he starts crying....like REALLY crying saying his wrist hurt really bad. I guess he didn't want to cry on the field with all his teammates looking, but once he got in the truck, the dam broke and the tears started flowing! I told him he would be alright and proceeded to ran to the library to drop off some overdue books and the grocery store to grab a few things. The whole time Ezekiel sat in the truck....in pain.
We get home and he's still crying a little. Fonzy tells him to stop crying, it's not that bad, and even if it was broke, it still wasn't a reason to cry. According to Fonzy he broke his ankle when he was little and didn't cry. Ummm......yeah, ok.
So we gave Ezekiel some advil, wrapped his wrist with ice, an ace bandage and sent him to bed. We told him if it still hurt in the morning we'd take him to the Dr.
Well, this morning Ezekiel is still complaining his wrist hurts, so Fonzy took him to the Dr and guess what? Yep - you guessed it! His wrist is broke in two places! Not one, but two! Poor baby, he probably suffered all night. He will be getting a cast on Friday, and is out the rest of football season.
So yea....I guess we will have to try for the Parent's of the Year award NEXT year. I think we pretty much shot our chances for this year.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Even though it has been in the high 90's, even the 100's summer is coming to an end. In 2 weeks Fonzy and the boys will be back in school, and the summer of 2011 will come to a close. Until then, we are going to enjoy the last vestiges of summer - staying up late, sleeping in, BBQing, swimming, playing outside, just enjoying the freedom, because soon it will be back to our regular school/work schedule. And I for one am happy about that. I'm tired of being the only one waking up at the crack of dawn. Time for them to join me!
Monday, August 8, 2011
I have a Doctors appointment today. An appointment I should of had about a year or so ago, and now I'm dreading going. I get headaches, a lot! Some are pretty bad, where I just have to lay down and have someone rub my head. Fonzy and everybody else have been telling me to go to the Dr., but I kept putting it off, but I can't do that any longer. So today, I'm off to see the Doctor and I'm a little nervous. You know you always hear stories about how someone waited to go the Dr. and they finally go only to find out they have some terrible disease or something and end up dead in 6 months. I know, I know...I shouldn't think like that. All morning I've been telling myself I'm just being dramatic and I'm alright. But in the back of my head I have this little voice telling me I should have taken my butt to the Dr. earlier!
Hmmmm....there seems to be a lot of talking to myself, with multiple voices today, huh? Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist instead?????
Saturday, August 6, 2011
What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
Woke up this morning to much needed rain. Felt good laying in bed, snuggled up with Fonzy listening to the rumble of thunder and the falling rain. It's what I love about weekends. Being able to lay in bed, having no place to go, feeling loved, safe and content.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I'm going through something. Not really sure what. Having a hard time sleeping.
I've been trying to make a conscience effort to cherish life. It's so short.
When I'm frustrated with the boys, I try to remind myself they will not always be little and soon will be out in this world on their own. I think about Manuel, already out in the world and I worry. I guess after you lose a child to murder, you never truly get over the fear. I pray for him every night.
While laying in bed with Fonzy, I pray to God that I die before him. No matter how bad he gets on my nerves at times, I don't want to be in this world without him. Been thinking about death/dying. I want to see Samuel, my Mom and I look forward to that, but praying it doesn't happen too soon.
See....told you I was going through something. Not really sure what. Just trying to live my life as best I can, enjoying the little every day moments....you know, like a sunset.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Been thinking a lot about life lately. All the moments that make up our lives.....the little and the big. Do you realize how short our lives really are? Time is just flying by and sometimes I feel like I'm missing so much! Where has the years gone! They just keep flying by and I want to stomp my feet and yell to the world to slow down! Quit going so fast! I can't have a son who is 20. I can't be a Grandma! Ezekiel can't be 12! And Elijah can't be 9. They were just babies yesterday! Really, they were!
I want some of the time I wasted back. I want my babies back, to cherish the time I didn't back then. Can I have a do-over?
I've been making a conscience effort to cherish the here and now. To laugh more, to love more, to not waste any more years, moments, seconds....because all too soon, it will be gone....
All too soon....
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wow - today is August 1! Summer break is almost over for Fonzy and the boys. I'm sure they aren't too happy about that, but I am. It's hard getting up every morning for work while they get to stay home and do whatever. I guess I'm a little jealous. I want summer's off too! But I'm not complaining. I'm happy to have a job, especially since so many people are without one. I remind myself of that everyday as I drag myself out of bed.
Anyways - on to Hugo. I know, I know....what's up with me and these monsters. I can't help it! They are an addiction. A happy addiction! Isn't he just bright and cheerful! Doesn't he make you smile? Well, he makes me smile. While making Hugo I wasn't sure what I was going to do with him. Keep him or gift him. I guess I have to keep him now. Elijah has taken over, carrying him around and sleeping with him. He's growing up and soon will throw these monsters aside, but for now, I'll let him enjoy them.
And I don't care what you say - I know you're smiling, if not on the outside, on the inside.